Episode 88: Lesson Learned

Episode 88: Lesson Learned

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Today's topic stems from a realization we had that although we have had our feelings hurt throughout dating, we have never had our hearts broken & that's probably because we have never been in love before.

Here's the tweet that sparked the episode. ( https://twitter.com/wecomefromqns/status/834496223872745476 )

In this episode we are going to have a guided conversation much like our New Year episode about our most recent failed dating experience.

Keep It Simple

  • Summarize your last failed dating experience in 1 - 3 sentences

Story Time!

  • Using no more than 10 bullet points recap the entire experience (from beginning to end)

  • What were your thoughts and feelings about your friend's experience

  • What were 3 highs from this experience?

  • How did you know this was someone you wanted to continuously date?

  • What were 3 lows from this experience?

  • How did you know that things were not going to last?



Using Iyanla’s Recovery After Long Term Relationship video as a guide (27 min video) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-PC-2Vtkw8)


  • Acceptance

    • You have to accept that the relationship is over and that you will recover

    • Grieving & healing requires that you share your thoughts and feelings about the loss so that you can adjust your mind and heart and spirit. Without sharing, chances are you’ll get stuck and sta stuck in mourning ( meaning thinking shoulda coulda wouldas = different outcome)

  • Celebrate the good days, know that you deserve them

    • Celebrate the small victories such as finally eating after going too long without doing so

    • Laughing when it seems like you've been crying forever

  • Remove things from your environment that remind you of the person

    • You can bring these things back at a later time if they are gifts etc

    • Don’t follow your ex on social media

    • Even if you think you are completely over your ex, seeing someone you once did everything with now doing things with someone else is going to be painful

    • Social media is not the place to work through your feelings

  • Figure out if you can still be friends

    • What you do and how you do it depends on why you broke up about how you feel about the other person

    • If you remain friends with the hope that eventually you’ll get back together things can get very ugly & painful very quickly

  • You have left physically but the layers such as emotionally & spiritually leaving is still going on

    • Respect this multilayered process

    • You need to separate on all levels before your heart can heal and your mind can be clear

  • Establish boundaries and guidelines for communication

    • Less is more

    • Maybe 30 days no contact and then decide what can work

  • Do the things you love even if you once loved doing those things as a couple

    • You can still enjoy these activities without the other person

    • Avoid Excessive overeating or drinking

    • Join a group

    • Do something new

    • Learn a skill

    • Something that opens you up to things you didn’t know about before

    • Go to shows, movies, concerts

    • Get a new hairstyle

    • Do things that make you feel attractive again

    • Makeover your home such as new bedding, a new candle, a pillow

  • Avoid a rebound relationship

    • Or something in someone just t o give you a few thrills

    • Instead meet new people and see what happens

  • Seek professional help if depression becomes chronic

    • Ending a long term relationship regardless of romantic friendship or by natural causes or by choice is challenging so you need to find your own rules.

    • This is just a place to start


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Final Thoughts

in this video iyanla ends with “It’s important that you train yourself not to be loyal to people who don’t treat you well. Be mindful to protect yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually from energy vampires and emotional rapists who will make you feel guilty about how they treat you, remember your first priority is you.”

People should not judge failed love affairs as failed experiences but as part of the growth process. Something does not have to end well for it to have been one of the most valuable experiences of a lifetime. - Ethel Person, medical doctor and psychoanalyst (via Myleik IG Story)

For Afro-Latinas, The Whitewashed Wellness Movement Often Feels Unhealthy — Even Harmful

Nory Pouncil - 05/25/18 - Calladitas No More


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