Episode 90: Issa Rae, Awkward & Insecure

This week we break down Issa Rae's two productions, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl and Insecure.

Questions Discussed

  • When you think of Issa Rae, what immediately comes to your mind?
  • Reflect on her character “Issa” in “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.” What were your first impressions?
  • Contrast that character with Issa’s character in “Insecure.”
  • Based on “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” did you have any presumptions about “Insecure?”
  • Let’s talk character development: How would you contrast Issa in “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl” with Issa in “Insecure?”
  • Do you see any parallels between either Issas and yourself?/ How?
  • What does Issa’s come up mean for you personally?
  • Does Issa do a good job at telling our story [the Black woman narrative]?
  • Finally, contrast the characters between “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” and “Insecure”
  • Ceecee versus Molly
  • Jay versus Lawrence
  • Baby Voice Darius versus Thug Yoda

Articles Referenced

Hollywood Finally Embraces What It Means To Be Black and Awkward by Darnell McGee

https://thegrio.com/2016/09/26/hollywood-finally-embraces-what-it-means-to-be-black-and-awkward/

“I just wanted it to be a regular story about black people”: Issa Rae on creating and starring in HBO’s Insecure by Caroline Framke

https://www.vox.com/culture/2016/10/7/13176104/issa-rae-insecure-hbo-interview

Episode Quote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs4d2eTfWvc

Lastly you can connect with us on our website wecomefromqueens.com as well as our social media platforms: instagram, twitter and Facebook @wecomefromqns.

You can send us questions you would like us to answer during an episode.

You can listen to us on soundcloud, stitcher, itunes  (rate & review on itunes). Please don’t forget to stop by our store on the site as we finally have new merchandise.  

Finally, our love connection has returned and we are accepting applications until Jul 18th!

Episode 89: 30x30

We are on our way out of our twenties, with only one year remaining. As usual, we take some time to reflect on this decade and project how it is propelling us into our next one.

Recap your twenty eight year. What was one high? What was one low?

The countdown to thirty-- What is the most significant lesson or realization of your twenties that you will use to guide you through the last 365 days of this decade.

What is one thing of significance that you hope to achieve before you reach your 30th year?

What pressures are you under in approaching your 30th year?

Twenty Something Twenty Everything

What is one lesson that you’ve learned later in your twenties that you wish your would’ve learned earlier on?

What are your the values and how are you going to allow them to guide you here on out?

Who are you?

30 Myth Busters

People love giving us twenty-somethings advice on every aspect of our lives. Which of these are you holding onto and which of these are you tossing to the way side?

[Taken From: 30 Mind Expanding Experiences You Should Get Done Before You Turn 30]

  1. Quit the day job you hate even if you don’t have a back up plan.

  2. Dine alone at a restaurant (especially without a book or tablet.)

  3. Start up a business.

  4. Mentor or Volunteer.

  5. Pay off your student debt.

  6. Learn a second language.

  7. Learn how to drive.

  8. Live with a family in another country.

[Taken From: 30 Things To DO Before You Turn 30 ]

  1. Date someone who isn’t your type.

  2. Start your 401(k).

  3. Stop holding grudges.

  4. Set a reading goal.

  5. Overcome a fear.

  6. Be the first person to apologize.

  7. Forgive yourself for mistakes.

  8. Learn how to cook.

  9. Pay it forward.

  10. Pick a cause and be passionate about it.

  11. Work a menial job.

  12. Make a list of 40 things before you turn 40.

[Taken From: 30 Things To Do Before You Reach 30]

  1. Have something to look back on.

  2. Take your cooking skills to the next level.

  3. Admire yourself.

  4. Invest.

  5. Treat yourself.

  6. Be part of history.

  7. Take an impulsive weekend away with your bestie.  

[Taken From: 30 Things To Do Before We Turn Thirty]

  1. Experience a sunset from somewhere new.

  2. Find someone to rely on.

  3. Know what you want from your relationship.

Quote:

Count oyur age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears. - John Lennon

Around The Way

Off-duty firefighter saves grandmother, two kids from burning Queens home

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/off-duty-firefighter-saves-3-people-burning-queens-home-article-1.3877782

Episode 88: Lesson Learned

Screen Shot 2018-05-30 at 12.02.39 AM.png

Today's topic stems from a realization we had that although we have had our feelings hurt throughout dating, we have never had our hearts broken & that's probably because we have never been in love before.

Here's the tweet that sparked the episode. ( https://twitter.com/wecomefromqns/status/834496223872745476 )

In this episode we are going to have a guided conversation much like our New Year episode about our most recent failed dating experience.

Keep It Simple

  • Summarize your last failed dating experience in 1 - 3 sentences

Story Time!

  • Using no more than 10 bullet points recap the entire experience (from beginning to end)

  • What were your thoughts and feelings about your friend's experience

  • What were 3 highs from this experience?

  • How did you know this was someone you wanted to continuously date?

  • What were 3 lows from this experience?

  • How did you know that things were not going to last?


 

Recovery

Using Iyanla’s Recovery After Long Term Relationship video as a guide (27 min video) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-PC-2Vtkw8)

 

  • Acceptance

    • You have to accept that the relationship is over and that you will recover

    • Grieving & healing requires that you share your thoughts and feelings about the loss so that you can adjust your mind and heart and spirit. Without sharing, chances are you’ll get stuck and sta stuck in mourning ( meaning thinking shoulda coulda wouldas = different outcome)

  • Celebrate the good days, know that you deserve them

    • Celebrate the small victories such as finally eating after going too long without doing so

    • Laughing when it seems like you've been crying forever

  • Remove things from your environment that remind you of the person

    • You can bring these things back at a later time if they are gifts etc

    • Don’t follow your ex on social media

    • Even if you think you are completely over your ex, seeing someone you once did everything with now doing things with someone else is going to be painful

    • Social media is not the place to work through your feelings

  • Figure out if you can still be friends

    • What you do and how you do it depends on why you broke up about how you feel about the other person

    • If you remain friends with the hope that eventually you’ll get back together things can get very ugly & painful very quickly

  • You have left physically but the layers such as emotionally & spiritually leaving is still going on

    • Respect this multilayered process

    • You need to separate on all levels before your heart can heal and your mind can be clear

  • Establish boundaries and guidelines for communication

    • Less is more

    • Maybe 30 days no contact and then decide what can work

  • Do the things you love even if you once loved doing those things as a couple

    • You can still enjoy these activities without the other person

    • Avoid Excessive overeating or drinking

    • Join a group

    • Do something new

    • Learn a skill

    • Something that opens you up to things you didn’t know about before

    • Go to shows, movies, concerts

    • Get a new hairstyle

    • Do things that make you feel attractive again

    • Makeover your home such as new bedding, a new candle, a pillow

  • Avoid a rebound relationship

    • Or something in someone just t o give you a few thrills

    • Instead meet new people and see what happens

  • Seek professional help if depression becomes chronic

    • Ending a long term relationship regardless of romantic friendship or by natural causes or by choice is challenging so you need to find your own rules.

    • This is just a place to start

 

Screen Shot 2018-06-04 at 7.45.47 PM.png

Final Thoughts

in this video iyanla ends with “It’s important that you train yourself not to be loyal to people who don’t treat you well. Be mindful to protect yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually from energy vampires and emotional rapists who will make you feel guilty about how they treat you, remember your first priority is you.”

People should not judge failed love affairs as failed experiences but as part of the growth process. Something does not have to end well for it to have been one of the most valuable experiences of a lifetime. - Ethel Person, medical doctor and psychoanalyst (via Myleik IG Story)


For Afro-Latinas, The Whitewashed Wellness Movement Often Feels Unhealthy — Even Harmful

Nory Pouncil - 05/25/18 - Calladitas No More

https://fierce.wearemitu.com/calladitas-no-more/why-being-afro-latina-wellness-space-toxic-af/


Around The Way

Big-hearted Queens mom gives prom dresses to girls in need

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/big-hearted-queens-mom-prom-dresses-girls-article-1.3983558

MiniCast 04: Sing For Me

As promised here is our minicast where we sing songs as a thank you to those that donated to our Karaoke Night back in May. Let the jokes begin!

Donors

Candace Twitter/ IG @lilmissent

Rico Twitter RicoAlmighty / IG @FF2d_podcast

Tiana Instagram @tianab_cakes14

Brian IG bbbb_b_bbbbb

Derrick Twitter/IG @djsj614 & @thenewyorkdose


Shop #WCFQ wecomefromqueens.com
Email us at wecomefromqueens@gmail.com
Twitter / Instagram @Wecomefromqns

Episode 87: Chosen

Questions and Topics For Discussion

  • “What is Pick Me Culture?”
  • How does it affect us personally and/or collectively?
  • Unpack Original Thread . . .Thoughts?
  • Is the woman who wrote the tweet doing this to be “picked?”
  • Is this really the “formula” for getting the “right” man?
  • Read the response to the Thread . . . Thoughts?
  • Do you think women really compete for the affection of men? [Consider the women who you surround yourself with.]
  • How much of this “pick me” culture is rooted in origin/ what we have been taught since young?
  • Make reference to Alicia’s Statement from Episode 59: Non-Coachable Sistas where she states “I also have a lot of problems with the bible because I feel like it is so male centric.” <--How does the bible and its ideologies tie in with Pick Me Culture? (Possible reference Ruth and the constant reference to women “finding their Boaz” or  “waiting to be found/chosen”)
  • Should women be chosen by men?
  • At what point, if any, should they (women) start to do the choosing?
  • What is we don’t wanna be chosen? Does that make us too strong/ independent/ much of a Black woman (the stigma)?

Discussion of the #BlackChynaChallengev & Sex Doll Twitter Frenzy

  • What is it?
  • Why/how did it get so popular?
  • Does this tie into today’s conversation? How so?

Pick Me! . . . Or Not

As a final note from each of us, we will discuss whether or not we want to be chosen. Complete one of the following sentence starters:

Pick me because _______________________.

Don’t pick me because _______________________.

Around The Way

Fountain of Youth Juice Bar & Café

https://www.yelp.com/biz/fountain-of-youth-juice-bar-and-cafe-queens-village?utm_source=ishare

Episode 86: We Come From Queens

We’ve been telling y’all for quite some time now that we come from Queens. We think it’s finally time for you to meet the Queens we’ve been referencing! This week, our special guests are our moms. In this special Mother’s Day episode we chat with them about their influence & how it has shaped us as we evolve into our own type of Queens.

Unpacking Typical Black Mom Quotes

  • "Do you have McDonald's money?"
  • "You better shut up before I give you something to cry about."
  • "I'm not one of your little friends."
  • "I hope you know that school work like you know them songs."
  • "Didn't I tell you..."
  • "You smell like outside."
  • "If someone hits you first, you hit them back."

Questions For Monique & Cadacia

  • What was your mother’s role in your home? Do you think she liked it?
  • Did your mother work outside of your home and how did that affect your desire to work?
  • What do you admire about your mother?
  • In what ways is your mother your role model?
  • How have you followed in the footsteps of your mother?
  • In what ways do you think you are similar to her?
  • What advice did your mother give you that really has stuck with you?
  • What things did your mother say to you that influenced the decisions you have made in your twenties?
  • Has your mother said or does she continue to say certain things to or about you that affect your self esteem or self image?
  • How was your mother’s relationship with her mother?
  • How do you think your mother’s relationships with others impacted how you behave in relationships with others?

Questions For The Moms

  • I maintain the sentiment that being a mom is one of the most selfless acts one could do. What is the biggest sacrifice you’ve made as a mother?
  • Who do you/ did you look up to for a “motherhood framework/ blueprint?”
  • What is the most valuable lesson you learned from your mom?
  • What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from your dad?
  • What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a result of being a mom?
  • If you could impart anything on your child(ren) what would it be?
  • In raising children, who were/are your “mom” friends?
  • What do you think of your work?/ Did you do a good job at being a mom?
  • Can you tell us about one moment when you realized “ my kid(s) is not a child anymore or the moment you realized that they’re “grown”?

More Questions For Monique & Cadacia

  • One moment when you saw your mom as a person, a regular human?
  • Most memorable moment you have of/with your mom.
  • What is your favorite saying/ quote of your mom?
  • When it’s your turn to become a mom, what is one lesson you will take from your mom & one thing that you’ll leave?
  • Aside from the fact that mom’s actually are superheroes, if you could give your mom any superpower what would it be?

More Questions For The Moms

  • Overall, how would you describe your twenties?
  • What were your goals during your 20s?
  • What were the 3 most fun and exciting aspects or events of your 20s?
  • What were the 3 most challenging aspects or events of your 20s
  • If you could go back to your 20s knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?
  • Do you have any other words of wisdom that you think could be of value to people in their 20s as well as those such as ourselves who are about to enter their 30s?

Quote

As it stands, motherhood is a sort of wilderness through which each woman hacks her way, part martyr, part pioneer; a turn of events from which some women derive feelings of heroism, while others experience a sense of exile from the world they knew. Rachel Cusk


Around- The-Way

This week’s around-the-way highlight goes to the murals around the way!

JMJ- 205th street and Hollis Ave

Tribe Called Quest- 192nd street and Linden Blvd

Jazz Mural- Linden Blvd under the LI Railroad [Area known as Addisleigh Park aka St. Albans] highlighting Jazz greats (Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Count Basie, John Coltrane, Lena Horne) and Baseball Greats (Jackie Robinson, Tommy “Hurricane” Jackson). This area is actually home to some Jazz greats.


Hit us up on IG/Twitter @Wecomefromqns
Use our hashtag #wcfq so we can see what you're saying
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Email us at wecomefromqueens@gmail.com

Episode 85: Tech-No

Technology is one of those things we CANNOT escape. We have become so technologically advanced. How much of it is to our benefit? How much of it is to our detriment? In this week’s episode, we discuss what it has done to us as a society.

Questions Discussed

  • How tech savvy would you consider yourself to be?
  • What is your favorite form of technology and why?
  • At what point during your lifetime do you remember technology making the shift to where it is today?
  • What surprises you most?
  • How has technology benefited you?
  • How has technology hindered you?
  • Is the increase of technology making us lazy as a whole?
  • We pretty much do everything online these days. We all find our potential cars, houses, goods, and even spouses online. But How far is too far? /What would you not search for online?
  • How many times do we prefer to text over talking over the phone?
  • Online shopping is on the rise as well as ordering food online.There’s a site called taskrabbit where you can get others to run your errands for you.How many millennials our age will actually learn how drive with Uber at their disposal? Right now our country is working on cars that will park themselves! Is this too much luxury for our generation?"

Unpack The Quote!

  • Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we're too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone.
  • All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. - Mark Kennedy (Author)
  • The great myth of our times is that technology is communication. - Libby Larsen (Composer)

Around The Way!

Sweet Chick LIC (http://sweetchick.com/)


Join us for our first Karaoke night on Saturday May 12th at 8pm
Purchase tickets at wecomefromqueens.com/events

Hit us up on IG/Twitter @Wecomefromqns
Use our hashtag #wcfq so we can see what you're saying
Shop our merch at wecomefromqueens.com/shop
Email us at wecomefromqueens@gmail.com

Episode 84: No Daddy

It is unfortunate that a lot of people can bond over the absence of a father. Growing up Black in America, we all have one or some in our inner circles who know what it feels like to grow up in a household with mom holding it down solo. We unpack this narrative a bit this week and pair it with some songs that relate to the experience.

Articles Referenced In this episode

Things Only Women With Unfaithful Fathers Understand
http://madamenoire.com/1012221/things-only-women-with-unfaithful-fathers-understand/

The 20 Realest Rap Songs About Fathers
http://www.complex.com/music/2012/06/the-20-realest-rap-songs-about-fathers/

Father Of Mine: 15 Fathers Day Songs For People With Daddy Issues
http://www.vh1.com/news/53176/worst-fathers-day-songs/

Monique's Quote
https://www.christianpost.com/news/jay-z-reveals-fatherhood-has-changed-me-rapper-talks-beyonce-surrogate-rumors-video-99767/
_____
Join us for our first Karaoke night on Saturday May 12th at 8pm
Purchase tickets at wecomefromqueens.com/events
_____

Hit us up on IG/Twitter @Wecomefromqns
Use our hashtag #wcfq so we can see what you're saying
Shop our merch at wecomefromqueens.com/shop
Email us at wecomefromqueens@gmail.com

Episode 83: The Dis-ease of Being Busy

This week we break down the pros and cons of being "busy" using the article "The Disease of Being Busy" by Omid Safi as our guide.

Questions for reflection

  • Would you consider yourself a busy person?
  • What are you busy doing?
  • Has that ever been an ideal for you?
  • How did we get here (being so busy)?
  • How do you feel when there is an extended period of time when you are not busy?
  • Would you consider being busy an addiction or a disease?

Quotes from the article

“This disease of being “busy” (and let’s call it what it is, the dis-ease of being busy, when we are never at ease) is spiritually destructive to our health and wellbeing. It saps our ability to be fully present with those we love the most in our families, and keeps us from forming the kind of community that we all so desperately crave.”
  • Has it been destructive for you?
  • Work/ life balance. Do you have that?
"In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask: in Arabic, Kayf haal-ik? or, in Persian, Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is your haal?" What is this haal that you inquire about? It is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.”
“Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items from your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.”
  • Do you have an internal barometer to tell when you are getting to be too busy?
  • When you find yourself getting to be too busy, how do you reel it in?
  • Do you think there is this glorification of being busy?

Episode quote brought to you by Cadacia

'Crazy-busy' is a great armor, it's a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we're feeling and what we really need can't catch up.

Two Cents  

Alicia D of Cubicles & Curls

 

Episode 82: Broken Clocks

As we bask in the latter years of our twenties, we can’t help but to be confronted with the inevitable “biological clock.” Even when we aren’t mentally entertaining the internal dialogue, someone always comes around to ask “So when are you having kids?” We invited a couple of men to weigh in on the conversation for varied perspective.

This episode is broken up into two parts. First an interview with the upcoming podcast Enter Tha Minds. The join us for the second part in discussing the male biological  clock and more.

Enter Tha Minds minds is a podcast where four millennial men tr to gain guidance and the answers to life's questions. Their show will be launching on April 9th.

For now you can follow them on Twitter and Instagram @EnterThaMinds

Shop our sponsor Visit sudiosweden.com and use the code QUEENS to get 15% off any purchase.