I’ve always been excited about ushering in a new year of life. I love the thrill of not knowing what’s on the other side and that I have another 365 days to amass more wisdom. In the same token, there is a part of me that feels very nervous and anxious of all the prospects that await me in my new year.
As my birthday approaches each year, I go through a cycle of moods. First, I’m overcome with joy that I will be granted another shot at life. I recognize that everyone doesn’t make it to see their (insert age) birthday and so I am simply grateful for breath in my body. This emotion dissipates when I start to think of the goals I have set for myself and where I am in contrast with those goals. [Not even close] In all honesty, this is the worst moment for me because it plunges me into a slump where I begin to feel inadequate.
It is a real terrible feeling when you are consciously living behind a veil. On one side of that veil, I’m standing still glaring at all that awaits me on the other side. That other side houses a long list of goals; my grand prospects for a bomb future; the me who I know I am capable of being, yet I remain on the stagnant side, a mere spectator at the driven and dedicated Cadacia. Once this mood, lightly fades, I go back into birthday planning mode and preparing for the end of the school year. For the purposes of this post though, I will share the most ashamed part of me standing on the other side of the veil: I have not been maintaining my physical health as much as you guys have known me to. Crafting posts for Cadacia’s Corner has been extremely difficult as of lately because I never want to pretend that I am doing something when in actuality I am doing the opposite. I have continued to eat well, hence, my “With Love” post, however, physical fitness has slipped to the very far distant corners of my routines. Why? I have been pouring my time into other things. This is the first time in four years that I have not prioritized my physical fitness and its weird. My conscious eats away at me every time I opt out of hitting the gym. Going to the gym has become such a pivotal part of my lifestyle that I am almost ashamed to share and confess that I have not been going. I do know that in me being honest with myself and those who constantly root for me in this journey, that is the first step in me getting my act together. So, I am chalking this birthday up to confession followed by action. Watch me turn it around and operate at my optimal performance.