An Ode To Men in The Gym

Dear Brolic (and not-so-brolic) Men in The Gym,

Let me begin by, first painting a picture for you: It is Saturday afternoon. Approximately 3pm. It's a rare sighting that I'd be in the gym at this particular time on a Saturday. To my delight & surprise I discover that the gym is bare. Most equipment is free of bodies & fresh sweat. Replacing the stinging stench of sweat is the sweet scent of GAINS pervading my nostrils.

My body gravitates towards one of the three squat racks which I actually have the liberty of choosing. As I alternate between my squats and jumping rope, a short man waltzes over and thoughtlessly interjects. As he slowly begins to replace the weights I have on, it occurs to him to ask if I'm using the squat rack. "No sir. My towel is simply adorning it for decoration and my water bottle is only a focal point as I jump." In actuality my lips spew, "I am," as my eyes beg to question why he'd even...

 

This man among others is the reason I saw a need for this letter; the letter that has been brewing throughout the crevices of my mind for quite some time. So here is an ode to you; a list of "dont's" I've taken the liberty of compiling as a result of dealing with you. Take heed.

  1. Do not assume that I am done or not using something because I am two feet away. You don't do it to other men and I'm not the one.
  2. Do not hover over me as I get my sets in on the squat rack. There are other (male) occupied racks that you can go to and  inquire about.
  3. Do not low-key, yet high-key bore a hole in my back as I'm doing squats. Shockingly, I can feel your lusty lingering eyeballs. I can also see you through that magical device that happens to display reflections. 😉(Message: Its quite creepy.)
  4. The gym isn't yours! When I come in, I'm looking to workout just as you are. I like lifting weights too. If you are doing a circuit workout which consists of the usage of various machines, you gone have to give one up bruh.
  5. Although, I am open to assistance, I don't always want your help. I, generally am doing it right and I can show you better than I can tell you.
  6.   Men and women have different body make-ups. This means your tips on nutrition may not always work for me. Why? Well, you can eat whatever you want, come into the gym, kill two hours & magically obtain a six pack. I, on the other hand, am required to eat a consistently clean diet (one cheat meal a week) and work out for similar results. (Salty much? Maybe a tad.)

 

My final request is that you would recount  all of the thoughtfully crafted points outlined here the next time you're in the gym and happen to consider how you will interact with a woman you encounter. Thank me later.

 

Signed,

Yet Another Chick Who Lifts