Size Me

When the idea for this post came about, Teyana Taylor was not the hot topic. As I pushed the release date back for this, however, she quickly migrated to the forefront of all conversations on body. Although at this particular moment, talk about her body isn't as prevalent as it was three months ago, there still remains a need for "the talk."

Confession: Truth is, I've had an internal (and sometimes external) battle with the idea of body image for a very long time. Throughout my entire life, there have been rare moments where I was able to find some level of satisfaction with my body. It did not seem to measure up to my idea of what a bangin' body should look like often enough.  Interestingly enough, I have always maintained a small frame, however. In that case, skinny should equal satisfied . . .right? Wrong. During my pre-teen years, I actually thought I was fat. I had a season where I would only eat one meal a day (salads) and ride my bike to and from my first job (ever) to get my exercise in. When I was in high school, I settled within myself that I actually was skinny, but, I just needed to rid myself of my gut. Once I reached college, the "freshman fifteen" caught up with me and I was busting out of my clothes (literally). The button on my jeans would not fasten. My shirts were fitting snug around my mid-section and I was becoming discouraged. Solution? I decided I would enroll in the campus gym, utilize one of their personal trainers and work out 6 days a week. I also decided it was time for me to get on a serious diet. I began viciously counting calories, not eating after a certain hour and stocking up on all of the "healthy" goods I could. I even kept a log of what I was eating. This ended in my cheat meal turning into a cheat day, eventually transforming into a cheat week until it finally spiraled into a cheat life. I was cheating myself out of proper and practical nutrition and wellness. My idea of "healthy" was slim so I took the most convenient route to achieve size slim.

Fast forward to my adult years. I had finally reached a place of, somewhat, contentment.  Yes I was skinny and my only real issue with my body was my stomach (again). Maybe if I took myself to the gym and did crunches everyday I could bring it down. Well I did go to the gym but my results were showing up everywhere else instead of my stomach. Dis. Cou. Raged. That accurately depicts my feelings, as I had been working so hard. The deeper I got into my fitness & overall healthy lifestyle, the more I learned and grew. I tried different things to yield different results. It was not until sometime this summer that I had an “aha” moment. I am fine just the way I am. I eat well and exercise often enough. I give this lifestyle my all. There is no possible way for me to look exactly like my #bodycrush. Why? Because I am me. God designed me in such a meticulous way that there is no room for me to be anyone else. I found so much contentment in that place. I found contentment in the realization that I am doing my best work. My physical appearance does not speak to the level of strength I have acquired in this journey. It is not an accurate reflection of how good I look on the inside. I love my body from the inside out. Even if it does not look like what I think it should, that is ok. I have learned to love being, not a size 5 or a size 3. But instead, I have developed a deep and profound love for being size me. That is my hope for you as well. Don’t go chasing Ms. Teyana Taylor’s body. Simply do what is right for yours. Trust me, your body will graciously thank you.